newlywed vs. married over 5 years
After you’ve been living with a person for more that a couple of years it’s easy to begin seeing the little ways they do things around the house.
It would be nice if the easy part was recognizing all of the awesomely good stuff they’re doing. Often we do the opposite. We don’t mean to but life gets heavier and responsibilities pile up and pretty soon it gets more and more challenging to stay positive. It’s one of the reasons for creating Better Together.
little things bug us
We begin to hone in on the way they chew their food noisily, dump their clothes next to the hamper instead of in it, not fill up the water pitcher when it gets low, forget to fill up the gas tank when they come home late, leave the lid off the toothpaste or worse yet…squeeze it from the middle.
I’ll leave it to you to figure out which of these I’m guilty of…
In relationships…we are all guilty of at least one of the items above. We tend NOT to see what we are doing on the list, though. I have a feeling as you read this list you thought of other people who do them (maybe I only think that because that’s what I do!).
how do you want to feel in your marriage?
None of these things make or break relationships but they do influence us.
Harriett Lerner, psychologist and author of Marriage Rules, A Manual for the Married and Coupled up, said, “Newlyweds automatically know how to speak to the positive and make each other feel special and valued. But the more enduring the marriage, the more you’ll find yourself noticing and speaking to what you don’t like. No one can survive in a marriage, at least not happily, if they feel more judged than admired.”
It’s so tempting to point out the things we notice…the little things that go wrong, the ways that our partners don’t measure up. We sometimes like to make sure to mention that we had to ‘put away the milk because someone left it on the counter’ or similar moments that seem to be aching to be shared.
In Better Together I talk about how, as couples, we originally came together because we inspired awe in one another. One of the ways we continue to be awe-inspired is by speaking Love Truths.
Love Truths are words or notes that point out the things that inspire awe in us about our partners. Saying them outloud or writing them where our partners can find them remind us and them of the awe that brought us together in the first place.
What Love Truths do you see in your spouse today? I’d love to hear them in the comments.