I, like many very young children, was a thumb sucker. My step-father tried to make me stop as a baby, to no effect. My mother tried to make me stop, also to no effect. When I was four my uncle tried to embarrass me into stopping by buying me a dummy (pacifier to those of you in the U.S.). At six my mum’s friends tried to frighten into stopping by saying the top of my thumb would come off like his fingers did – he had actually lost the top of three fingers to a welding accident but I didn’t know that then. Around eight or nine, another friend of my mum’s tried to bribe me into stopping by putting money into a jar for each day I didn’t suck my thumb – it was to buy a second-hand-new-to-me bike! I didn’t get anywhere near the required amount. I did not stop sucking my thumb.
When I was little, I was unabashed in my thumb sucking. I used the dummy my uncle bought, briefly, before going back to my thumb. I told them I wasn’t frightened of my thumb coming off! And they gave me the bike anyway – it was yellow, and cute, and had a bag on the back. But as I got older, I became more embarrassed of my thumb sucking, and hid it from nearly everyone. My mother gave up on trying to make me stop, as did the few who knew I still did it, and that’s the way I kept it.
When my husband first noticed me sucking my thumb, he thought it was cute. This was kind of a first glimmer of maybe this wasn’t something I should be ashamed of. That glimmer grew over the years, flourished into a deeply felt belief that it’s actually perfectly fine (I’ve not done any dental damage so it’s worked out for me), and now I think the whole thing is a great metaphor for growing love and acceptance of ourselves.
Be yourself and be happy
Think about it, as a very young child so many of us are very content with ourselves internally, then as we grow and hit new levels of awareness, we become self-conscious, embarrassed, and feel like we’re not good enough as we are. Many of us spend years trying to change or improve ourselves. I don’t know when I stopped being ashamed when people found out I sucked my thumb. I remember I still was in my mid-twenties, but I know by my early thirties I was completely unabashed about it. I didn’t go around with my thumb in my mouth, I was busy with life and a baby, I had stuff to do, but I openly talked about it.
What shocked me a few years ago is that I realised I barely do it anymore. As most thumb suckers will let you know, it’s a self-soothing mechanism, and my life with my husband and daughter is filled with love and happiness, so I don’t feel the need to self-sooth anymore. It is that, but there’s another facet to this change. Once I fully accepted that this life-long habit is a part of me, and is nothing to be ashamed of, I could unclench something.
I live my life being very authentically myself these days. I just kind of roll through life being my unique happy little self and I love it! I don’t know if it’s age, personal growth, a loving supportive spouse, or most likely, all of the above, but I highly recommend this approach to life. I still occasionally suck my thumb, but rarely and only when I’m very sleepy, but if I wanted to do it more, I would, I just don’t feel the need to.
