“Nobody ever died of divorce,” one of author Jennifer Weiner’s characters in Fly Away Home tells us. But, if you are in the middle of one, you might doubt the validity of that statement. Divorce is challenging for everyone involved, especially when children are involved.
For the sake of the children, learning to co-parent successfully following a divorce is crucial. Co-parenting means that both parents share the responsibilities of raising their children and are offered guidance, safety, security, and love from both parents.
Co-Parenting Tips for Divorced Parents
There are lots of raw emotions to deal with from parents and children after a divorce. In the best circumstances, parenting is a hard job, but co-parenting inspires an extra layer of complexity. Here are some suggestions for successfully co-parenting.
The Children’s Well-Being is the Focus
Lots of times, big emotions can cloud the focus. But, for children to adjust well and to have both parents contributing to their lives in a meaningful way, keeping the focus on them is essential. You want to take special care that they are never put in the middle of disputes or conflicts.
Children should never be used as a pawn to hurt each other. It ends up hurting the children, which is never the goal of loving parents.
Parenting Plans Clear Up Conflicts Before They Begin
Establishing a firm framework for how co-parenting will work eliminates many issues that might come up in the future. This framework includes things like the following:
- Visitation schedules
- Holidays
- Important events
- Involvement in school and extracurricular activities
It is essential to be flexible and to pivot when you see that the initial plans you put in place are no longer working. Dialogue with your child to ensure their well-being is being served is crucial to making this happen.
Effective Communication is the Key to Co-Parenting
Communication is paramount in all relationships, and co-parenting is no different. According to Twyford Law Office, “While the child may live with one parent or the other, decision-making and support are shared by both.” Even if a divorce has left you with some animosity, it is vital to support each other in parenting because by doing that, you are supporting your children. That requires communication.
Work hard to maintain an open, positive, and respectful dialogue. Strive to discuss your concerns, truly listen to each other and work to ensure that the child’s best interests are always met. If your child has concerns, make sure they can express them to either of you.
When there are changes in the parenting plan, discuss it with the children and with each other. Surprises regarding custody and visitation can cause anxiety in children, and security and routines require communication.
Be Consistent
Strive to co-parent with consistency. Establish rules and boundaries that you agree upon so that routines, discipline, and expectations are consistent for your children. By offering consistency, your children will grow up with stability and security, even though their family dynamic has changed.
Respect Requires Boundaries
Respect requires boundaries, and boundaries need to be respected. When co-parenting, voice your concerns and listen to your former partner’s concerns when they express theirs. To prevent harming your children, avoid speaking negatively about each other and do not include the children in adult conversations.
Boundaries are critical for children to feel comfortable with both parents. They need the boundary between themselves and the adults to reassure them that they are safe and secure and will not face backlash for loving both parents. Ensure they never feel like the referee between parents or that they have to choose a side.
For more tips on healthy communication, read this guide here.
Changing Family Dynamics
Though you and your former spouse are no longer together, you still share a family. Parents can overcome the most acrimonious divorces for the sake of their children. All it takes is good communication, boundaries, and consistency.
